Act Your Age

Tuesday, March 21st, 2017 – 4:58 am

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“Act Your Age”

I am one and already me
I am two and always running
I am three and believe in laughter and violence
I am four and believe in nature and magics
I am five and believe in love
I am six and believe in hell
I am seven and I hurl my first curses skyward
I am eight and violence unleashes a new monster in me
I am nine and violence is fine as weed and wine
I am ten and just want drugs and sex
I am eleven and death keeps touching us
I am twelve and I just want to have fun
I am thirteen and the blood keeps chasing me
I am fourteen and I curse God openly and swear there is no such thing as love
I am fifteen and He changes my mind
I am sixteen and I believe in God and only want to love everyone
I am seventeen and the ghosts are still chasing
I am eighteen and a girl gets me to believe in true love
I am nineteen and my calling to pastor or preach was put on pause
I am twenty and I start to feel hidden pain, trauma larger than worlds
I am twenty one and a baby girl makes me believe in magic again
I am twenty five and my body begins to break
I am thirty five and the poppy vanished a decade
I am forty and hope for healing
I am forty five and begin the final break inside
I am forty six and sick with addiction
I am forty seven and believe I am almost done on this side of the light
I am forty eight and the world begins to spin in other directions while family and friends and foes gather around to gawk or lift my spirit. I am at my most broken and least able and most terrified and least worried. I have plumbed depths of dark and peaks of peace that sicken and still me. I oversee a dizzying haunted house ride with such grace from above and impossibly deep loves.
I believe in God. I believe in miracles. I believe I will run again.
I am this age and have always been.
 
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